Stolen Roof Rack: Big Trouble In Silver Spring

So I woke up Saturday morning to find that some shitholes had absconded with my Thule roof rack. This rack was locked to the car and doesn't seem like the casual theft of opportunity by some kids passing by. So the douche fuckers knew what they were doing when they picked or pried the locks and removed the rack without making a scratch on the car.

So rather than go over the details of what happened I'm going to illustrate the finer points using images and gifs from the 80's classic, "Big Trouble in Little China".

So I looked out the window and saw this:

 And at first I was all like:

And then I was like:

And my next thought was:

And I thought, Man! If I had seen the crooks I would have walked out the front door like:

And I woulda been like:
And then I would have dealt with their leader like:

But I'm not that cool or tough so I would probably have walked out and said something like:

Which leaves me with this:

So I'll wrap up by saying that having to tell your 4 year old that there are bad people in the world and the roof rack is never coming back to us is a bummer. 

If anyone in the DC area sees or hears of a Thule roof rack with a notch cut out of the driver's side tray so a mountain bike with front disc breaks can fit you know who to e-mail.

Bike To Work Day Blues

I bike to work every day, all year long. There's one day, however, that I particularly enjoy biking to work is (you guessed it) BTWD. I love BTWD and everything it stands for; it’s a day where like-minded folks can get together and geek out commuter style. It's also a day where people who are skittish about riding to work can learn the ropes, get advice, and join the protection of a convoy to get used to the road. It's a great thing.

On this lovely Bike To Work Day I fell victim to the DC pollen and was benched on my favorite day of the year to ride to work. This pissed me off. Then my alarm went off and the first voice I heard was that of Rivendell's Grant Petersen being interviewed on NPR. This really pissed me off.

The worst thing about cycling culture or any other culture for that matter is the large number of judgmental shitholes who get off on telling everyone else that they're "doing it" wrong. This behavior is usually reserved for elitist road or mountain bikers touting the latest unobtainium. This morning however we learned there is a new douche bag in town, the elitist commuter. 

I had to listen to the full interview online...

"Wear the clothes that you're going to wear at work," he says. "Don't dress up like an American Bike Geek just to ride a bicycle to work."

"If your commute is reasonable — say, 10 miles or under — no problem," Petersen adds. "Dress the way you're going to dress for the weather, or the day." 

"Bicycle riding doesn't make a lot of demands on your body, your upper body is still when you're riding and your legs are just turning around in small little circles."

Grant Petersen, who's shop is in Walnut Creek, CA just outside of Berkley, (that place with the best weather in the entire country), wants you to bike to work in the clothes you are planning to wear to work. Anyone who's ridden a bike in DC (or most other parts of the country) knows this is bullshit and would only work a few days out of the year. Grant goes on to say we shouldn't dress like and "American Bike Geek", which I'm guessing means we're not aloud to wear cycling jerseys and shorts. I just want to point out that most European countries, where bike commuting is more mainstream, never have a DC summer.

I'm going to stop here because he said too many stupid things to comment on without getting angry. After this, I'm sure the internet will be full of colorful Grant Petersen critiques. More than anything this interview makes me sad. I think Grant's point was that you don't have to buy the latest high tech race gear to commute to work, which would be a good point had it not been lost in the douche bag delivery. The irony is that in saying don't go hi-tech Grant joined the ranks or all the elitists on the other end of the spectrum.

There was a good opportunity here to inform and encourage novice commuters but Grant dropped the ball.

If you want to know how you should dress while bike commuting, don't listen to Grant Petersen, unless you live in Berkley. If you are new to bike commuting and don't know what to wear, get some advice from local commuters and shop employees who have been riding in the same conditions and roads that you plan to. Consider their advice and then do what makes you happy. Finding the right clothes for your commute can take a lot of trial and error and there is no right fit for everybody.

The bottom line is that if you are comfy wearing shorts in the winter, great; if you like the feel of wool and wearing it all year round is your thing, awesome. If you find what works for you, go for it, just don't let some douche bag, whether they're wearing lycra or tweed, tell you you're doing it wrong.

A Quick Tale From The Commute

Last week while biking home from work, the car in front began driving erratically and slowed down to around 10mph. I went to pass the car and saw that the woman was texting, holding her iphone in the middle of the steering wheel. I leaned over and screamed "STOP TEXTING!!" into her open window. Startled, she tossed her phone onto the floor and sped off. Social justice feels so good sometimes.

Wanker Of The Week: Mark Hurlbert

Eagle County Colorado district attorney Mark Hurlbert is a huge wanker. To get you up to speed if you haven't been following; uber important money manager  Martin Erzinge hit  bicyclist Dr. Steven Milo and sped off leaving him for dead. Said wanker,  Mark Hurlbert let Erzinge off because he makes way too much money and a felonies make rich people sad.  Read more here and here.

I know this story isn't brand new but I've been sick for a while and that tends to exacerbate my laziness. Also, I saw this video on AHTBM and it made me angry all over again.




Vail Colorado, governed by assholes.

Wanker Of The Week: Tony Kornheiser

This has been bouncing around the interwebs today. Tony Kornheiser has put a hit out on me, you, and every other cyclist in DC.

via Urban Velo

Bike commuting is interesting enough without media d-bags calling on everyone to run me over. How about this, if you ride a bike on a regular basis and happen to see Tony Kornheiser, you should punch him as hard as you can in the kidneys.

It's really futile trying to argue with someone who's main goal in life is to hear themselves talk, but hopefully Lance will get the job done.


F*ck You Tony Kornheiser.


UPDATE: Lance was on Tony's show today. Check it out. Some good open dialog here.

I'm A Tweaked Out Shit Head

I managed to tweak out my knee yesterday while sitting at my desk. I know, I know, I don't crash too often but yesterday I managed to wipe out while at the computer, it's a good thing I was wearing a helmet...

However I did it, by the time my commute home was over my knee was singing pretty loud. I used an Icy Hot Sleeve because Shaq told me to. Those things work pretty well but I was still in some pain this morning so my wife drove me in.

After biking everyday for so long, whenever I have to drive or get a ride in I feel like a total shit head. Looking around at all the other shit heads stuck in traffic is pretty depressing when you're among their ranks. The feeling is multiplied when one of our two wheeled brethren goes happily by. No offense to all you shit heads out there, We all spent a pretty large amount of our lives being shit heads of one kind or another. Just take the shit head who shot Oscar Freire with a pellet gun during stage 13 last week. He or she has probably spent years in training to achieve such shit headedness.

The knee is starting to feel better but I am still feeling a bit shit heady as I have no bike to ride home on.

Have a great weekend and try not to be a shit head!

Grievances: Chain Lube Delivery Systems

Reading Freeewheel's latest post about some wanker spewing the same old crap has got my chamois all in a bunch. To blow off some steam I am going to focus some of my freshly percolated aggression towards a subject that has vexed me for as long as I have been riding.

Chain Lube Containers:
Over the years I have sampled dozens of different brands of chain lube and have found that most of them have something in common, trouble keeping the product inside the container after use. An all too familiar slimy mess when I go for the bottle o' chain lube.

The first few uses of a new bottle are fine, no mess. After a short while the container gets covered in a thin layer of lube. Lube that soaks into the label and becomes a shiny slimy mess. I have adapted to this problem but wrapping a paper towel around the bottle and affixing it with rubber bands to create a safe zone where I can come in contact with the bottle and not come away slimed.

Sometimes I think, maybe I'm just a slob who lacks the basic motor skills required to unscrew a cap, apply lube, and replace the cap without spilling. On many occasions this is true. But there is some oozing and seepage going on when the bottle is at rest. I know this because my current lube of choice, (Pedros, which happens all enviro-happy) leaves a puddle whenever it has been sitting for a long period of time. So why is it so hard to keep the lube in the bottle? If anyone has had experience with a product that doesn't do this, please let me know.

Perhaps the worst offender of chain lube packaging deficiency is Rock "N" Roll. Not only is there an oozing factor but the plastic bottle is so thin that if dropped from less than 3 feet it breaks making the ultimate chain lube mess. I know this because it has happened to me twice, once in my workspace and again on my newly refinished hardwood floor. Yes I am clumsy, but this product is made for cyclists, to be used in basements, garages, workshops, the side of the trail/rode, back of the pickup etc. One (I) would expect a little structural fortitude out of a container aimed at a market known for product punishment. This bums me out because the lube seems to work pretty well.

Whew! Well I feel better.

Have a great weekend.

Road Wage

So on the way home yesterday I was cut off by someone, let's call them "Wanker", making a left turn onto the road I was traveling on. It wasn't terrible but I did have to apply the brakes as the car was very close when Wanker pulled out. We were close enough that I could see Wanker looking at me in the rear view mirror. I motioned to my eyes and pointed at Wanker to suggest that Wanker wasn't watching for traffic that had the right of way. I didn't yell or give the bird or throw feces . Then Wanker pointed at the path near the road... sigh.

I am so tired of this argument. It's the same damn thing over and over and over from those who harbor aggression towards cyclists. I am a guy who owns a bike. I have a right to ride that bike on roads where it is legal to do so. I also own a car and buy gas and pay taxes. I do not belong on the sidewalk or a path. I am not foot traffic and travel at speeds unsafe for the sidewalk. I also think about the routes I take and don't use high traffic roads that would be dangerous for everyone if I tried to ride a bike on, even though it would be leagal to do so.

Wanker, it's not my fault you cut me off. You own a car, not the road.

Friday Douche Baggery

This is a PSA from our friends over at the Corn Refiners Association. It turns our that HFCS is "fine in moderation". Outstanding! I think tomorrow morning I'll pour some over a heaping bowl of diabetes. I'll even have a large glass of that non descript red flavored "drink" on the side.

This video has all the elements of a political campaign ad; generalizations, misinformation, shit eating insincerity and bad acting. All that is missing is the message approval of an over photoshoped skeez bag in a suit.

Cyclist Vs. Cyclist

There seems to be a growing trend as of late, cyclist suing other cyclist for negligence. At the moment there are two trials going on; one in Scotland (link) and one in Australia (link). In both cases a cyclist left quadriplegic from crash is suing the spandex off the opposing rider.

"I have said this quite a few times to many people, that the accident was preventable if the proper riding position and proper hand position was being adopted," (Telfer, of Scotland) said.

Now we are all too familiar with this concept in the world of automobiles, where suing another driver is something you do while exchanging insurance information. Also very common is the cyclist suing a driver after being hit, or in rare bizzaro cases the other way around.

This is a worrisome trend as it echoes the litigious behavior of those behind the wheel. After a few more trials and court decisions, will cyclist still regard each other in the same comradely fashion? Will the brethren of the bike still give each other "the nod" when they pass? Or will they be worried about being sued for having too much float in their cleats if they wreck? Maybe after enough lawsuits, when we throw a leg over the bike we will see fellow cyclists as just another threatening driver and treat them as such.

Dumbest Cyclist of the Year... So Far

This dick head dodgy wanker was caught riding down one of the busiest streets in Peterborough, England with a kid on his SHOULDERS! Dude, if you don't have a helmet, wrapping a kid around your head is hardly a viable solution.

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