Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should

Contrary to the frequency of my posts as of late, I bike to work quite often.  On Monday I saw a dude on a tall bike cruising down Georgia Ave (a major artery just north of DC) in rush hour traffic. I should point out that this section of Georgia Ave had eight full lanes of morning commuters. My first reaction was a jaw dropping "What The Fuck?". That was also my second reaction.

This got me thinking; when I'm in my car I often see cyclist doing shit I would never do. Taking the lane on upper 16th Street where the flow of traffic is above 50mph during rush hour when there's no shoulder for example. It's perfectly legal to do so but in my view it's incredibly stupid. There's is also a bike lane on 14th, so why not cut over two blocks?

I try not to judge, I know that some times perceived danger is relative to ones own experiences. There are plenty of things I do now that I would have thought too dangerous 17 years ago.


There's a time and a place and eight lanes of morning traffic going past the 495 merge lanes seems to be neither.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Kick Start: Buca Boot

I'm more of an extracycle, carry 3 hay bales kinda guy but I'm not gonna lie, well designed bike solutions make me randy. I wonder if I could put that on a front rack?

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Armstrong Lie

I'm so numb to this story but I'll have to watch it anyway. I hope it's in 3D.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Furlough Merlot - Shutdown Chardonnay

I threw this together for all my non-essential feds out there. You know who you are.

After that this seems pretty obvious.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

No Bike Parking

 I arrived at the office today to find this sign in my bike parking space.

I'm pretty sure I know who it was as I was fucking with this person pretty good yesterday. Below is my response.

Nobody tows a cops bike.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Father's Day Haulings

I spent my father's day running errands with the kids. We went to the pool and then the grocery store. The XtraTrucker handled the load with ease. The only sketchy moment was when my youngest decided it was fun to throw her weight from side to side to make the bike wobble.

When I got home I used the bike to return a neighbor's tiller with plenty of room left over.
Happy Father's Day to me!

Friday, June 7, 2013

"They're Just F*ckin Bikes Lady" - Jon Stewart

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

NYC Bike Share: A Begrimination!

It's not often (well sadly it is) that an oped comes along that is so utterly shittastic that all one has to do is quote it to render the piece useless. Thankfully BSNYC has the shittastic stomping skills to do slightly more.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Bike To Work Day 2013

I usually try and make it to the Bethesda pit stop but this year I made it to Silver Spring while taking my daughter to school.

We were running late and the guy with the camera caught me off guard so I did a good amount of blathering.

Meanwhile, three years earlier...

It's crazy to see how much my girl has grown. I think I must be doing ok in the father department if can watch her growth and development (as well as the graying of my facial hair) in the pro-bike culture movies she's... HOLY SHIT! Am I wearing the same god damned clothes!?  Jesus.

As usual it was a great event not matter the pit stop. Props to the sponsors and everyone involved.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Awesome Is As Awesome Does.

Friday, May 3, 2013

RIP - Jeff Hanneman

Like biking, Slayer is one of those rare things in life that's just as much fun now as it was when I was a kid.

RIP - Jeff Hanneman

 "Slayer is devastated to inform that their bandmate and brother, Jeff Hanneman, passed away at about 11AM this morning near his Southern California home. Hanneman was in an area hospital when he suffered liver failure. He is survived by his wife Kathy, his sister Kathy and his brothers Michael and Larry, and will be sorely missed. Our Brother Jeff Hanneman, May He Rest In Peace (1964 - 2013)"

 God bless Slayer.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mashing is FUNdamental: A Literary Alleycat this Saturday!

Saturday, May 4th is DC’s Mashing is FUNdamental: A Literary Alleycat. An alleycat is a checkpoint race—you can take any route you like, but have to hit every checkpoint. Think urban scavenger hunt on bikes. This alleycat is unlike any other: it’s literary-themed. Half the checkpoints are libraries, where you have to check out a given book. The other half are challenges related to DC authors, such as yelling "Oh Captain, My Captain" from the top of the Smithsonian Portrait Gallery's steps (where Walt Whitman was once worked). The event’s manifest (alleycat-speak for “checkpoint list”) reads something like this:

• Anacostia—1800 Good Hope Rd, SW
    o Any book on social science (call number starts with 3)
• Woodridge—1801 Hamlin St, NE
    o Any book on religion (call number starts with 2)
• West End—1101 24th St, NW
    o Any CD (call number starts with PHONO)
• Etc. (there’s 11 stops, totaling just over 20 mi when traveled most efficiently)

At the finish line/after party at Satellite Room, riders turn in their books and manifests to verify completion. We’ll award prizes to the fastest bikers, and raffle off additional prizes (we have over $1,000 in merchandise to give away). There’s a second, mellower manifest; comprised of stops relevant to DCPL (the Mellon Fountain, etc.) and DC literature (where Zora Neale Hurston lived, Katherine Graham, Langston Hughes, etc.). This is targeted towards riders who just want to cruise and see their city through an interesting new lens. Overall, the event is designed to civically engage riders more than the average bike race. Riders will learn something, and can mash it (alley-cat speak for “go really fast”) the entire way in hopes of glory at race’s-end.
And for all that the written word gives us, we wanna give back: all event proceeds go to 826DC (, a nonprofit organization dedicated to working with students ages 6–18 in developing their creative and expository writing skills, and to working with teachers to inspire their students to write.

What: Mashing is Fundamental: A Literary Alleycat
When: Saturday, 5/4/13
Where: 7th St steps of the Portrait Gallery (604 7th St, NW; DC)
Registration: 1pm
Race start: 2pm
Afterparty: Satellite Room
Donation: $5, benefiting 826DC

Monday, April 29, 2013

Standing Room Only: A Bike Seat Show

A friend of mine has a piece in Standing Room Only at the Workhouse Arts Center. I support art and bike seats support me so this seems like a win. 

Standing Room Only: A Bike Seat Show’ is an exhibit of customized bike seats which displayed from April 20-June 16, 2013 at the Workhouse Arts Center.

Standing Room Only: A Bike Seat Show’ is an painted bike seats on custom made stands.The show will be displayed from April 20 to June 16 of 2013 in the new Vulcan Community Arts Gallery in the Workhouse Arts Center. Twenty artists have been invited to participate mostly from the Washington D.C., Baltimore, and Richmond areas.

The expression ‘Standing Room Only’ means that there is only space at an event to stand because all chairs are occupied or none are available, playing into the dynamic of seating. Because of its use, the seat is seldom seen when riding, in this show it will become the focal point for the viewer. A saddle has limitless possibilities for transformation and yet is also easily accessible to the viewer and relatable to current popular culture.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Running Into Fatty Patty

Lately I've found myself running more and more. I signed up for the Xterra Seneca Creek10k to help me motivate. I've got two weeks to get my ass in gear. I ran 5.5 miles today and so far I can still walk. The run on the Georgetown Branch Trail went smoothly but was not without incident.

You see, I ran into Fatty Patty.

I stopped long enough to snap a shot. She was "large and in charge" as the box clearly stated so I didn't linger, nor did I count and verify the "3 Colossal Love Holes". I kicked Patty out of the trail and continued my run.

As the distance between Fatty Patty and I grew, my mind turned to Large Marge, and I wondered if there was any relation...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Avoiding The Commuting CrapFest

Just another reminder of how fortunate I am to be able to bike commute. There was a water main blowout where the Capital Crescent Trail crosses Connecticut Ave in Bethesda.  Traffic was backed up for a bajillion miles as I sailed by.  

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Bike Projector

As far as things that are pretty cool, this idea has a striking similarity.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Jimi Hendrix: "People, Hell and Angels"

Holy ever lovin' crap.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Budweiser On Tap: A Beer Story

I threw this little gem together to honor the King of Beers and it's current legal troubles.

Apart from the gin and tonic I thought was sprite when I was 5, Budweiser was my first experience with alcohol. My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors and almost every adult I came into contact with drank it. From saying "My B!" while taking sips from my Dad's can to earning a quarter every time I ran to the fridge to get my gramps a "cool one", Budweiser was an ever present in my early childhood. It was cool, all the men I looked up to drank it, it was my birthright...  it tasted like piss.

Fast forward a decade.

At any given party, those with fake ID's would make the rounds collecting money for numerous cases of Bud. I would make the same request every time... "here's $10, keep the change and get me a six pack of Killian's Red or Rolling Rock, I beg of you". It was the early 90's. Of course they would pocket the change and return with a smile, "With that $10 I got your your own case of bud!"  ...fuck...  It was cheap, it meant your could drink all night, it's what everyone's parents drank... it was watery and it tasted like piss.

The next few decades were littered with as few Budweiser run ins as possible. When it couldn't be avoided there would always be some accompanying joke about the mystery behind why it was SO refreshing on a hot day or who kept pissing in my beer etc. The humor never helped and I sounded like an asshole.

I understand why everyone drank it when I was a boy. Most of the 4 other beers available tasted like piss too. In high school it was cheap, nobody had money, and it's what everyone's parents drank.

Today we're lucky to live in a brewing renaissance, there are literally blazillions of beers available to us. Beers that have been lovingly crafted by industrious beer loving people with tattoos, and beards full of moxy and gumption. People with resources and ingredients available that make brewing more art than chemistry.  

I know, I'm a fuckin' snob.

I've got nothing against Budweiser lovers. I don't like olives but I love and respect people who do.

Bottom line is this, some shit bird decided to water down the watery beer you love and that ain't right. Maybe it's time you told that shit bird what's what and switched beers. There are plenty of other watery beers out there that are pure of heart.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Silver Cycles Sick Snow Tire Savings

I was at Silver Cycles (my favorite LBS) the other day picking up some brake pads for the LHT (yeah you know me) and had to do a double take at this pile of snow tires piled up at the front door.

A pair of 26" studded snow tires for $30 is one of the best deals I've seen in a while. No it's doesn't seem like it's going to snow ever again, but it will, and when it does these will be AWESOME... and you will be AWESOME because you got them for $15 each.

Friday, you magnificent bastard!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Apology Enhancers...


Monday, January 14, 2013

Trail Treasures

Most of the time it's tools or blinky lights, but today the Great Trail Cycle has gifted me with a Browning hunting knife.

If my theory is correct i'm about to loose something valuable. 


Friday, January 11, 2013

LHT Porn!

A seemingly endless array of LHT photos scraped off of Flickr. Say goodbye to the next 15 minutes.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Stolen Peugeot In DC: Looking For The Owner

Was your Peugeot stolen last night? This beauty was found in a laying in a parking space at 11th and U. If it's yours and you can unlock it. Hit me up and I'll put you in touch with the good samaritan who's keeping it warm for you.  

This reminds me of a photo I once took.

UPDATE: The owner has been found.


If you can't laugh at your heroes....

This will come in handy when Lance Armstrong talks to Oprah.
Via DC

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Car Diaries: Justice Denied

So I was feeling shitty and didn't bike in today, which is shitty. While driving in someone cut me off pretty bad. I had to slam on the brakes to avoid being side swiped. Dude didn't even give the customary "Sorry I'm an asshole" wave. As I neared my office the dude pulled into my office building and proceeded down to the parking garage, as did I. At this point I'm sure he's feeling pretty tense. 

He parks... 

I park... 

We both get out of our cars at the same time and exchange a glance from across the lot. I'm loving this. Little did this guy know that when he cut someone off he would be riding the elevator with his victim not 2 minutes later! So we both start walking to the elevator and I start thinking of something witty to say. At that moment (which I believe was the single greatest moment of this mans life) one of his coworkers pulls up and starts a conversation, saving him from the elevator ride of ultimate shame.

There is no justice.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Coolest Thing I've Seen All Year.

Phoenix-Fly - The Need 4 Speed - Mountain Trails from Phoenix Fly on Vimeo.