A Quick Tale From The Commute

Last week while biking home from work, the car in front began driving erratically and slowed down to around 10mph. I went to pass the car and saw that the woman was texting, holding her iphone in the middle of the steering wheel. I leaned over and screamed "STOP TEXTING!!" into her open window. Startled, she tossed her phone onto the floor and sped off. Social justice feels so good sometimes.

Wrecked: Walking Speed Wipe Out

In my last post I mentioned that the LHT was out of commission and I would be commuting on my road bike for the time being. I've put thousands of miles on my road bike and have never come close to falling off... until this week.

I was waiting to cross over Georgia Ave. on Forest Glen and if timed right I can get across before traffic from the oncoming turning lane entered the intersection. When the opportunity arose I mashed down putting all my force into the pedals. I hadn't gotten past walking speed when on my second stroke the chain slipped off the ring and I was sent over the bars and onto my back in the middle of Georgia Ave. I was stunned, in less than two strokes I had managed to launch myself out of the saddle and over the bars. WTF?!

I rolled out of the fall, grabbed my bike and sprinted out of the intersection. Before I could make it to the sidewalk a gaggle of pedestrians had gathered to see if I was ok, which was cool. However I was still pretty shocked and trying to figure out what happened and if I damaged the bike. As people commiserated and recommended holistic solutions for cuts and scrapes I noticed I bashed the shit out of my shifters.

This combined with a rear blowout the next morning was enough to make me yearn for my LHT.

Maybe I can find some cheap replacement shifters at the Pedal Pushers Swap Meet in Eastern Market tomorrow.

Lastly, it's April 1st, 2011 and we all know what that means.

Happy Friday mother fuckers!

Facebook Thinks I'm Gay

Almost every day Facebook tells me I'm gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), and I need more gay activities in my life. It all started about a year ago, when I noticed that the advertising tiles on the right side of Facebook's secondary pages were getting increasingly colorful... rainbow colored in fact. Over the months I wondered about the origin of these ads and what I might have typed or clicked to become a blip on Facebook's gaydar.

Over the last week or so I collected evidence of FB's campaign of fabulousness in my honor. I call this matrix of gay advertising...

"The Gaytrix"

This was just a few days worth of screenshots.

Somewhere in an advertising database deep in the bowels of FB headquarters it says "Oh Hell Yeah" in the "GAY?" field next to my name. I don't care about the ads one way or the other. I usually ignore them, but I couldn't stop thinking about how it all worked.

How does the Gaytrix choose its next victim? What are the determining factors? How gay do you have to be before FB recognizes you as such? I'm gonna say not very gay at all. Maybe it's not an algorithm that makes these decisions, maybe it's a legion of pencil pushers plodding though piles of images, status updates, and comments. Maybe one of those pile plodding pencil pushers took a liking to me, hoping that and onslaught of gay advertising would be the tipping point making me come out and join the mustache parade. 

Probably not. I probably said something so terribly gay that it left the FB computers with no other alternative than that I was very very gay and in desperate need of a cruise, a big bear gay cruise to cOPENhagen to be exact.      

Bridging The GAP

Urban Velo bounced this article from Newsweek today about one of the last remaining speed bumps in the completion of the historic C&O / GAP trail connection from DC to Pittsburgh.

The douche bags over at Sandcastle Waterpark, "refused to allow the trail to proceed through their property, even threatening riders with arrest who pedal their bike through their parking lot that features a double yellow line for car traffic, forcing riders to take what amounts to a highway around their property and thwarting what would otherwise be the longest continuous city to city trail in the United States".

These shitbirds are missing a golden marketing opportunity to have legions of active outdoorsy types riding and walking right passed their front door for free. Perhaps they just need some bad press to put this issue in perspective, so please forward this along.

Thursday, you're just not Friday enough for me.

Missy Giove - Watcha Gonna Do?

It's not the fact that Missy Giove (object of everyone's early 90's obsession) was caught with marijuana. Don't all extreme sports super stars compete with a little weed on them for good luck? No, it's that she was caught with 400 pounds of it that boggles the mind. (Via VeloNews) "Former world downhill champion Melissa “Missy” Giove and two alleged co-conspirators were arrested in New York Tuesday, charged with plans to distribute some 400 pounds of marijuana."

"Giove, also known as "The Missile," earned a total of 14 NORBA national downhill titles, 11 UCI World Cup victories, two overall World Cup titles and the world championship in 1994."

Never missing an opportunity for laughs, DEA agent John Gilbride dropped this little zinger, “drug trafficking can lead you downhill fast." Rimshot!

It's unfortunate that Missy may be spending the foreseeable future behind bars because she kicks so much ass.



I'll choose to think of her thusly, or like this, or this, or any of these, ok and sometimes like this.

Affluent White Boy Street Gangs and Traffic Monsters

There is a video out there that is tearing around the internet like a pack of mud covered raccoons in an Apple store . I think this video has exposed the true ugliness of white boy gangsta douche bags everywhere.

At first I thought it was satirical, then I saw this on a soon to be demolished McDonalds in the ever so rich heart of Bethesda MD.

Kinda makes you Wunda, doesn't it?

This comes from the dudes over at DudeCraft. Some kid was kick ass enough to make a monster out of traffic barrels and when anything this kick ass happens the police just have to get involved. Read the full story here.

I want one of these for the random use on the Capital Crescent Trail

Easy Come Easy Go, Craigslist Success

Just a little while ago I bought a Surly Cross Check off of craigslist. After trying my best to make it work, the 56cm frame was too damn small. So after removing the New Bike Utility Cargo Basket, back it went on craigslist and bam! it's was gone. Out of my life as fast as it came. We had a short but sweet run my little friend.

But enough lamenting, I just ordered a new 58cm Long Haul Trucker... Huzzah! It should be here next week. I am pumped to have a bike as tough, versatile, and pimpin' as the LHT. I ordered the ugly green color because it was less ugly than the ugly Truckaccino cream color. At least it's not Beef Gravy Brown. Ok, I am down with the muted earth tones, but shit colored? Really? WTF Surly? It was not an easy choice between the Cross Check and the LHT but now that it's made I feel as light and free as a little girl. tee hee!

Now go forth and give this weekend a good kick to the solar plexus

Grey Skies Are Gonna Clear Up! Oh Wait, No They're Not...

The commute in this morning was rough for several reasons; the first of witch is that it finally rained last night after a week of daily threats making Sligo Creek Parkway a tangle of road closures and downed trees. Don't get me wrong, it was fun, only because the rain is now warm enough that shorts and a jersey are all the outer protection I need. Also because I wasn't in a car! (tee hee)

The second reason is that over the three day weekend my friends and I emptied these growlers (lovingly filled by the good folks at Rock Bottom Brewery in Bethesda) twice. 

Onto other oddities of the long weekend. While out for a ride at Rosaryville I came across this scene.  A toaster and percolator from the 50's left trailside for anyone with a long enough extension cord.

This oddity truly took me (and my wallet) by surprise. The CycleLife Cafe under the bridge in GTown is something to behold. I have heard of high end bike boutiques popping up in NYC but had never experienced one for myself. Equipped with a coffee bar, an Apple Store like environment, ultra high end product line, and a ridiculous mark-up, the CycleLife Cafe will surely get the Georgetown polo circuit in a tizzy.  Not being their target demographic, I will merely windowshop as I can't even afford a Clif Bar there. ($2.63 WTF!)

Next up is the building that won the Cycle Jerk award last week for being the building that most looked like Miami threw up in downtown Bethesda, has received yet another badge of honor, this time from the city itself. Keep up the good work assholes!

And finally, it looks like the purple line project has been scrapped for the ever popular Runoff Line or the "Brown Line". This will make it possible for runoff to easily flow between Bethesda and Silver Spring eliminating back ups and log jams in local creeks and waterways, at the same time giving the area youth something to spray paint on.


May 26th, the Tuesday that's pulling double duty as a Monday as well.

NAHBS WTF? Award

There were some amazing bikes at NAHBS this year. Tig welds and lugs all covered in spectator drool as usual. There was one bike in particular that has me scratching my head. This bike made by Cherubim Cycles and showcased by Urban Velo definitely wins the WTF? award.

The craftsmanship is undeniable. It's a beautifully built bike with amazing attention to detail. I am guessing though that this design was purely for the sake of fashion as I don't see any practical or aerodynamic benefits, (let alone the lack of steering capability). Drafting would be especially difficult as any cyclist would swerve to the shoulder at the sight of that thing coming up behind them. The rider would also have to continuously tilt his/her head to read the vertically mounted cyclometer. The only purpose I see is an homage to the Ambiguously Gay Duo Cycling Team. 

If that is the case then well done Cherubim Cycles!