Stolen Roof Rack: Big Trouble In Silver Spring

So I woke up Saturday morning to find that some shitholes had absconded with my Thule roof rack. This rack was locked to the car and doesn't seem like the casual theft of opportunity by some kids passing by. So the douche fuckers knew what they were doing when they picked or pried the locks and removed the rack without making a scratch on the car.

So rather than go over the details of what happened I'm going to illustrate the finer points using images and gifs from the 80's classic, "Big Trouble in Little China".

So I looked out the window and saw this:

 And at first I was all like:

And then I was like:

And my next thought was:

And I thought, Man! If I had seen the crooks I would have walked out the front door like:

And I woulda been like:
And then I would have dealt with their leader like:

But I'm not that cool or tough so I would probably have walked out and said something like:

Which leaves me with this:

So I'll wrap up by saying that having to tell your 4 year old that there are bad people in the world and the roof rack is never coming back to us is a bummer. 

If anyone in the DC area sees or hears of a Thule roof rack with a notch cut out of the driver's side tray so a mountain bike with front disc breaks can fit you know who to e-mail.