Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Open Season: Fuzzy Coitus

Over the weekend I witnessed this hot interracial squirrel bottom knocking* take place outside my kitchen window while I ate my breakfast. Not only were these squirrels unashamed of their fuzzy coitus, they were flaunting it over my breakfast (not directly) no less! As startling as this interruption was I was overcome with a sense of humility, for these furry exhibitionists were not only challenging my traditional views on mixed race love amongst woodland creatures, they were bringing their statement right to my breakfast table (figuratively). I could no longer turn the other cheek while eating my yogurt and blueberries. I had to take a long hard look inward and face my rodential bigotry right then and there, before taking another bite! I realized my friends that I was on the wrong side of history and the fact that these two furry fornicators had found each other was all the justification they needed. 

Then once I got down off the kitchen table and collected myself, affirmed in the fact that barriers had been broken, and old ideas revisited they blew my mind again, and switched places. No lie.

It's a new day people. Change has come indeed.

* scrumping, boot knockin', horizontal polka, the no-pants dance, the bone yard, poking, pound town, boinking, bumpin' uglies, a bit of the ole in n' out, hittin' skins, the hot beef injection, shagging, givin' the ole how's yer father, tappin' dat ass, taking the skin boat to tuna town, scuttling the ship... 

Please let me know if I have forgotten any euphemisms...


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Slapping Nasties

Shryke said...

We should take these noble arborial rodents to be our shining becons! these vicious bird feeder raiders have not been cursed with the concept of race (or modesty) so they get to go on knockin' boots with any squirrel they fancy with out fear of ignorant social consequences.

Jenny said...

I once saw a squirrel scampering up a tree with another squirrel in its mouth.

A DEAD SQUIRREL.

Squirrels are weird. I think they might be zombies.

doctor bang said...

this really opens my eyes to the possibility of a tolerant and accepting world; a world where it doesn't matter what you wear, what you ride, what you ate for breakfast or how many friends you have farted on. let's hug.