So rather than go over the details of what happened I'm going to illustrate the finer points using images and gifs from the 80's classic, "Big Trouble in Little China".
So I looked out the window and saw this:
And at first I was all like:
And then I would have dealt with their leader like:
So I'll wrap up by saying that having to tell your 4 year old that there are bad people in the world and the roof rack is never coming back to us is a bummer.
If anyone in the DC area sees or hears of a Thule roof rack with a notch cut out of the driver's side tray so a mountain bike with front disc breaks can fit you know who to e-mail.